Every conversation you can be in one of 2 triangles; the drama triangle or the empowerment triangle. Obviously empowerment is the one you want to be having your conversations on. Although it is extremely common for people to fall to the drama triangle out of habit.
Here’s an simple example that should be easier to understand in side by side comparison. Remember this can be used in all conversations, there doesn’t need to be 3 people to fulfil all the rules. Only at one time in a conversation there’s 1 person talking, that person can take any 6 of these rules.
Mother: “You never return my calls, you don’t care about me” (Accuser)
Daughter: “I’ve got a lot to do and you never call me when I’m free!” (Victim)
Father: “Stop yelling at your mother she worries about you” (Rescuer)
Daughter: “Don’t worry about me, worry about yourselves…” (Accuser)
Mother: “You’re our daughter and we have the right!” (Victim)
Father: “It only takes 2 minutes to send a message” (Rescuer)
and so on …
Mother: “How come you didn’t answer yesterday?” (Challenger)
Daughter: “Had a meeting and got caught up” (Creator)
Father: “Why don’t you organise a day that works?” (Coach)
Daughter: “My weeks always different, it’s never consistent” (Challenger)
Mother: “We need communication to have a relationship” (Creator)
Father: “Why don’t you send a message a couple days in advanced to organize a time” (Coach)
and so on …
Both these examples demonstrate how each individuals role can change over a single conversation. No ones role is stagnant and can quickly change throughout the conversation. Even more so triangles can just as easily be jumped between if the participants are not careful or get carried away in their emotions.
The empowerment triangle does exactly that, it helps give everyone power in a conversation. It generates positive thinking and helps develop ideas. It puts our minds towards a direction of positive energy and help gives more direction to the conversation rather than being a roundabout mess.
Simply listening to a conversation you can quickly hear how it’s going and sometimes can even feel the energy from the conversation depending on which they’ve chosen to be on. Yes, it’s a choice, chosen consciously or subconsciously everyone and anyone can choose the vibe of the convo* they’re having.
Convo* – Aussie for conversation